silliness · Uncategorized

9 Reasons You Won’t See Me Drinking a Unicorn Frappuccino

Out of the blue I’m seeing this Starbucks Frappucinno that looks like cotton candy swirled with sin. From the first moment I saw it I swore I’d never taste a sip, and for good reasons:

  1. I might default on my mortgage to pay for it. 
  2. I happen to be awfully fond of my pancreas. 
  3. My imagination is a touch too active and I get the heebeegeebees over the idea of partaking of a unicorn. 
  4. I’m afraid I’ll hate it and be salty for a week over spending all that money on a lousy drink
  5. I’m afraid I’ll love it and crave more. 
  6. My mama taught me I don’t have to do what all the other kids are doing. 
  7. If I’m dropping my hard earned cash at a Starbucks there had darn well better be caffeine involved!
  8. A fairy dies every time a barista mixes one. 
  9. But mostly because I’m stubborn and ornery. 

I’m passing on this craze, after all I’m pretty partial to my preexisting cravings, but if you do claim to partake, it didn’t happen unless there’s a selfie involved; bonus points for a Snapchat filter!


Michigan Actually Has Five Seasons…

With all of the wonky weathe it’s almost impossible to determine what season it by temperature or conditions. We’ve had ice, snow, thunderstorms, and nearly 70 degree temperatures all in the span of 2 weeks in February. 

But there is a sure fire way to remind yourself what season it is, and that’s by the state of our roads. 

Potholes with snow

Usually seen in late January into March, this is late/winter or early spring. This is the season of cursing under our breath. 

Car sinking potholes (aka car alignment season)

This is the true harbinger of spring, that beautiful time of year when the undercarriage of your car is beaten within inches of death. 

Construction season

This is the most enduring of Michigan’s seasons, and arguably our favorite. If winter storms didn’t make you late, construction season will do the trick. 

Michigan is awesome season

Construction is over, the roads are smooth, and snow has yet to begin. It’s the magical time of year that convinces us Michiganders that it’s worth staying here. 

Fender Bender Season

Because evidently we have just enough time between the end of one winter and the beginning of the next for everyone to forget that cars slide on snow.  This season is also known as “school closing season”.