parenting · Uncategorized

Every Year, Costumes are this Anti-Crafter’s Nightmare

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I have never met a craft I didn’t hate, and never tried a craft I didn’t ruin.

With Halloween fast approaching, what terrifies me is not the Devil’s Night pranks or the Haunted Houses that pop up during this season, but rather sitting down with Pinterest and trying to find the perfect costume for my little angels.  Even worse is braving Hobby Lobby to find the materials, wandering through aisle after aisle to find just the right materials and accessories, then sitting down with a hot glue gun and only succeeding in cocooning myself in glue threads and burning every possible surface area of my hands.

I’m a pretty humble woman, but so help me, I can only take so much.  At a certain point, my creative failures boomerang past epic and land back on pathetic, with my poor children sent out as walking, public displays of my ineptitude.

The alternative is equally bleak.  Spending half of my paycheck to buy the same stinking superhero costume that half the class is also wearing, just to have the shoddy workmanship bust wide open during the school costume parade and wind up with a sobbing sugar-loaded mess of a child who is sure that his costume failure is all it takes to usher in the apocalypse.

So this year, as with many years before, the sum total of my Halloween prep will be a thorough Etsy search and finding the absolute best costumes that can possibly be made and supporting the lovely crafters who actually possess fine motor skills and the creativity to make a hand-made costume epic.

Just don’t even ask me about jack-o-lanterns.  Did I mention I can bake?

 

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