When I get something I really treasure I stash it away, saving it for the perfect moment. Usually it’s little things like special soaps I get as gifts, chocolates, you know, small treasures.
I’ve long realized how often I waste things this way. The chocolate covered espresso beans I’ve stashed in my purse for just the right moment have melted into a lump. The soaps I save for special occasions have eroded in the shower. My family finds my treats thinking they’re being ignored and help themselves, and when I go for one, the numbers are decimated. That perfect lipstick color is the one I never use for fear of it running out.
I’m trying really hard to learn to savor special things while they’re still special instead of losing them to stinginess. It’s a counterproductive cycle that I struggle to break. I’m so reluctant to finish that often I never start. Why do I hold such a tight grip on perishable things that I ruin them? Where did this maladaptive behavior start and why does it carry on? Why do I think that an everyday moment is inadequate to indulge in the finer things and still deny myself even during the peaks and valleys for which I save them? Giving and receiving gifts is not a strength of mine. When someone gives me a perfect gift I feel awkward and weird, and I almost never seem to find that perfect gift for those I love. So maybe this is a reflection of my discomfort with both giving and receiving material gifts. I don’t know.
But today, this very minute, I pledge to stop. I’m going to use my gift cards, I’m going to open and relish my soaps, and I will eat my chocolates before they’re ruined, all while reminding myself that I’m worthy of treats and lovlies. I hope you love my lipstick color as much as I do!
Will you join me?