special needs parenting · Uncategorized

The Tension is Real

11693829_10206415035750999_2621410608674152410_nInclusion is a big deal.  Everyone wants their kid to be accepted into every setting possible.  Removing children with cognitive impairments from the general education environment sends a strong message that they don’t belong with the rest of society, and cannot hack it in an environment that doesn’t cater specifically to them.  It also demonstrates to the general population that these children are, indeed, different, and should be treated as such.  It is a strong message that we send to everyone when we fail to include our children in the typical environment.

My boys are in self-contained classrooms for almost all of their educational time.

It’s not something that I take lightly.  When they were preschoolers, I had a “pie in the sky” ideal that they would be sitting in classrooms with their same grade peers, and have a 1:1 parapro, and would succeed.  They would be accepted by their peers, and would learn in the same environment as them.

But it just didn’t happen.

Alex gets frustrated in the gen ed environment, even with materials that are carefully adapted to his cognitive level, and teachers who demonstrate the best attitudes toward inclusion.  Every time we have tried to introduce Alex to the typical classroom environment, he recoils, shuts down, and we need to regroup and find that he learns and succeeds in the self-contained environment.

With Ben, we have hardly tried.  With Ben’s medical and developmental needs being so complex, and with excessive absences recorded each year, Ben has just landed in the self-contained classroom, where he flourishes.

This isn’t a popular decision in the Down syndrome community.

Many people insist that the same programming works for every child, and that inclusion is the programming that should be applied universally.  After taking a step back from that ideal, I have chosen my children’s programming to fit their actual needs, not a societal standard.  Yes, I know this has implications for employability, independence, and so much more that will continue throughout their lives.  My kids are learning, growing and flourishing in ways that they haven’t in the inclusive environment.  They have real, sincere friendships with students both within and outside of the self-contained environment, and with the rest of the school.  Just watch Alex walk into a choir concert, and see a crowd of young ladies descend upon him and whisk him off to hang out.

I hope to remove the stigma from the choice of anything other than inclusion, rather, encouraging parents to know their kids, work with their educators, and develop individualized plans for each student that promotes success and learning.  I want to drop a blanket approach to education, and remember that people’s needs are not so simple that a one size fits all approach will ever work, no matter how wonderful the approach sounds.  And I want parents to be guilt free about choosing something other than what their conferences and peers are insisting is the only way to educate their child.  It is difficult enough to ensure proper education for each student without the pressure to do something that your parenting experience and intuition tells you is not best for your child.



3 thoughts on “The Tension is Real

  1. Thank you so much for your posting regarding finding the right educational fit for each child. I’ve been a special educator for over 20+ years. I’ve run special day classes and been an inclusion teacher. You wrote so wonderfully about the benefits of both….primarily because you chose what was best for your son(s). I just wanted to thank you for your blog. I’m enjoying it and am glad you give all the communities you touch a voice.
    With love,


  2. you are so right! I have a 44 year old daughter with 13q-. we moved around and had different school situations. Some worked some didn’t. But people who figured everyone needed what their child needed wrecked a couple of school systems. The absolute best was when they looked at what this particular child needed. glad to have found your website. I like hearing how other parents and kids are doing. signed Another Introvert

    Liked by 1 person

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