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Today I am tired


Today I am tired:  I’m tired of meetings and doctors and decisions; tired of meltdowns and sickness and sleeplessness.  I am so very tired.

I am tired of advocating, of being different, of medical and developmental jargon.

Today I wonder what “normal” would be like:  how it would be to go to soccer games instead of Special Olympics; how it would be if my boys  had neighborhood friends. 

I wonder if we’ll ever have a month without five or six doctor’s appointments; if we will ever not have a bin full of meds to dole out every day.

Today I hurt.  I hurt for the child I have to hold down when it takes three pokes to draw blood; for the child with surgery scars all over his body. 

I hurt for the child who doesn’t get playdates; who has never been invited to a birthday party.

Tomorrow I will find my joy, and revive my smile.  Tomorrow I’ll put my big girl panties and supermom cape back on, with an upbeat attitude and happy heart as usual.  

But today I am tired; I wonder; I  hurt.

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6 thoughts on “Today I am tired

  1. Alethea, I found you via Huffpost today. I read your Open letter to the guy in target and just started perusing your blog as well. I just want to extend good thoughts to you today, your strength for your son, yourself and your family speaks volumes and I hope that you find peace in knowing you’ve touched me, and probably many others today. Keep on keeping on. Sending love your way. – Morgan

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  2. Hi- I, too, found your blog via Huff Post on Facebook. I work in an elementary public school, with special needs kids. I very much understand tired – but I go home in the evening and have a break. I don’t have to take my students to the doctor or wonder if my evening will ever end and I can fall into bed. I have admired so many of the families I’ve come to know over the last nine years, and I admire you. What I know is some days are just plan hell, but others come along that are okay, and even fun, and I feel so blessed to teach and love my kids❤️ Thank you for what you have shared.

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  3. hi, I read your piece on Huffington Post and had to comment. I get the tired part, etc. My severely handicapped daughter is 44 years old and tired is my middle name, but I am so happy to hear a younger mother say things I have been thinking for so long. I hope people are a little more understanding than they were when we were young. We moved around a lot and finally settled in an area that accepts handicapped people better than most.

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  4. I too found your blog on HuffPost and just want to say your writing is amazing and I truly admire you for being such a strong woman and never giving up. This post about “normal” almost made me cry. I cannot imagine how how hard it must be, not only for your son, but for you watch him go through all of these hardships. He is a very lucky boy to have a mom as wonderful as yourself. I have 2 children, aged 4 and 5. I think take for granted how “normal” our life is. God bless you and your family xo

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  5. Hi, I have a son with Downs Syndrome too and I know exactly that feeling. I often have those days and months where I feel that I cannot do this anymore and I keep praying for strength. Thank you for your words.

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