Holding Space

The term, “holding space”, is a new one to me, but it fleshes out a concept which I have tried to isolate for some time.

Heather Plett say this, “Holding space means that we are willing to walk alongside someone in their journey, without judging them, without making them feel inferior, or trying to fix them. When we hold space for someone we offer unconditional support and let go of judgement and control.”

I tend to hold space for others by my very nature. Even before I had a concise term for it, holding space has been a deeply held value of mine.  Though it’s not considered a traditional love language, holding space is the primary in which I give and receive love. As such I find it puzzling and hurtful when others respond in judgement or criticism, both toward myself and others. Holding space comes naturally to me, but right along with it goes taking the opinions of others personally.

I am brutally susceptible to criticism. A harsh word said in passing can reverberate in my mind for days.

I have cogitated on the quote above for a couple if years now. It’s something that doesn’t come naturally to me, but it is an area of personal development which I have become purposeful in pursuing.

I have internalized the projection of others’ reality and brought upon myself a lifetime of needless suffering.

I am learning to hold space for myself, to buffer myself from the opinions and actions of others, and to use my primary expression of love as a form of self care. When that harsh word comes my way I am choosing to consider the hurt of the person who said it instead of absorbing the hurt into myself, and unless I am responsible for speakers’ hurt, I practice laying the word into my mental stream and allow it to float away rather than rob me of my peace.

I’m learning.


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